In Quebec, a researcher who has spent nearly 15 years studying sexuality and aging is uncovering a paradox at the heart of how society views older adults' intimate lives: baby boomers are more sexually open than any generation before them, yet they're trapped by new and insidious forms of ageism disguised as progress.
The shift is real and measurable. Baby boomers came of age during the sexual revolution of the 1960s and '70s, when attitudes toward sex fundamentally changed. Previous generations believed sex belonged within heterosexual marriage and existed primarily for procreation. Baby boomers rejected that framework, embracing sexuality as something to be enjoyed outside marriage, across diverse relationships, and for pleasure as its own end. Research comparing sexual behaviors and attitudes across generations confirms what lived experience suggests: baby boomers value sexuality more highly and hold more permissive attitudes than their predecessors.
But liberation, it turns out, comes with its own constraints. The "successful aging" movement—designed to combat ageism and promote active aging—has inadvertently created new pressures. Through the aggressive marketing of erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra and the expansion of the anti-aging industry, a fresh set of sexual norms has taken hold. Older adults' right to a sexual life is now more widely recognized, but that recognition comes paired with an unspoken obligation: to perform, to stay youthful, and to remain desirable by standards set for people decades younger.
This is ageism wearing a progressive mask. The message to older adults is clear: yes, you can have sex—but only if you look, act, and perform like someone half your age.
To understand how this plays out in actual lives, the researcher conducted in-depth interviews with 27 men aged 65 to 84 in Quebec, both heterosexual and gay, who had used pharmaceutical erectile dysfunction treatments. The men described a wide diversity of sexual expression: some prioritized intimacy and tenderness, while others centered their sexuality on genital practices. Some engaged in more adventurous practices including pornography use and BDSM. Among gay men particularly, these exploratory approaches were more common, though both heterosexual and gay participants reported that the importance of intimacy grew with age.
The use of erectile dysfunction drugs revealed competing motivations. Some men used them to explore pleasure and expand their sexuality. Others used them to restore what they saw as lost function tied to masculinity and youth—and experienced shame and negative emotions when the drugs failed to work as expected. For gay men, these medications served an additional purpose: countering the pronounced ageism within their own community.
Women's experiences, currently being documented through interviews with 22 participants aged 60 and older in Quebec—half of whom participated in a participatory photography project—paint an even starker picture. Women face significantly more ageism than men when it comes to sexuality and desirability, creating a double standard that shapes what older women feel permitted to want, express, and pursue.
Baby boomers inherited a more open view of sexuality from their youth. But as they age, they're discovering that openness doesn't protect them from pressure to conform to youthful beauty standards and sexual performance norms. The question now is whether recognizing this contradiction—naming it clearly—might be the first step toward building a genuinely liberatory approach to aging and desire.